The A-word

Ankit: There is anohter way to say donkey that adds a bad word to it

Mummy: What?

Ankit: The word is jackass. Jack and the 'a-word'
(brief pause)
Ankit: Why do they call it the "a-word". What if there is more than one bad words that starts with 'a'. Then what do you call them.

Mummy: (quiet, wondering how to distract the kid from this topic)

Ankit: Also is there any "th word"

Mummy (in a desperate attempt to distract): Ankit, do you know what is 20% of 50?

Library Books

Ankit loves reading, and he occasionally borrows books from his elementary school library.

One day he is in the library, talking to the librarian.

Ankit: Do we need to pay for the books?
Librarian: No, you can borrow them for free one at a time.
Ankit: So, nobody has to pay for them?
Librarian: No. Only I have to pay for them when I buy them.
Ankit: You have to pay for them yourself? I thought you used tax dollars to pay for them.

Librarian doesn't know what to say.

Climbing Mt Everest

Ankit has wanted to climb Mt Everest since the day he found out it was the tallest mountain the world. One day, this desire becomes extra strong and he takes it up with Mummy.

Ankit: Mummy, Mt Everest is 5 miles tall, right?
Mummy: Yes, Ankit.
Ankit: Then why can we climb Mt Everest? We went to Rattlesnake Mountain. And that was 5 miles.
Mummy: Because Ankit, walking 5 miles is not same as climbing 5 miles.

Ankit looks confused. Mummy sees his confusion and decides to explain it to him using a glass and a string.

Mummy: Do you see this string? It is as tall as the glass is?
Ankit: Yes.
Mummy, wrapping the string around the glass: Now, when you climb a mountain, you don't go up and up. You go round and round like this. You see how you cannot get to the top by going the same distance?
Ankit: Yes.
Mummy: That is why you cannot climb Mt Everest by walking 5 miles.
Ankit: Yes. Also, if there was a string there, it would be much easier to climb.

Hot Chocolate

Ankit is sitting with Papa and Mummy at the airport and all three are having some snacks. Papa and Mummy are drinking coffee, while Ankit has some hot chocolate. All three are enjoying some cookies.

Papa is done with his coffee and cookies and looks at Ankit's plate. He notices that Ankit has eaten all his cookies but his cup of hot chocolate is still full.

Papa: Ankit, you finished all your cookies, but you didn't even touch your hot chocolate.

Ankit: Yes, I did. I touched the hot chocolate with the cookie everytime before I took a bite.

Papa wonders if he is talking to a budding lawyer.

Exit Sign

Ankit and Papa are at Frankfurt airport, walking briskly towards gate B23 to catch a flight to Seattle. Suddenly, Ankit sees a green sign depicting a human figure heading towards a door.

Ankit: Papa, what is that sign for?
Papa: That green sign? That is to show where the exit is.
Ankit: What is an exit?
Papa: Exit means going out. That sign shows where you go if you want to go out.
Ankit: To catch the plane Indian style?

Papa is dumbfounded. He is puzzled about Ankit's comment, when he realizes what Ankit meant. In India, due to lack of jetways, all domestic flights stay parked on the tarmac and require a shuttle bus ride from the gate to the plane before you can board. So, yes, catching a plane Indian style does require Ankit to 'exit'.

Cook of the house

Ankit really wanted to go to India for his summer vacation. Mummy and Papa had little vacation so they couldn’t drop and pick him up. One day Ankit is having a phone conversation with his Nani (Mummy's Mummy)- where they are both complaining about the lost summer vacation.

Nani once again asks him “Why didn’t you come?”

Ankit “My Mummy couldn’t drop me. She has to do things for us and cook food for my dad all the time. She is the cook of the house”

Simple answer. The cook cannot leave the house.

Real dreams

Most kids have ambitious dreams... till reality strikes :).

At age 5 some want to be doctors and others want to be firemen. Ankit has a very good friend Kevin. Ankit and Kevin have a discussion on what they want to be when they grow up.

Ankit: I want to be an astronaut. I’ll get to go to space and explore.

Kevin: It’s not good to be one. You can die. It’s very dangerous.

Ankit: So what do you want to be?

Kevin: Just an ordinary guy working at Microsoft.

For some reality strikes at 5.

Always equal

Ankit loves math. Recently he has been introduced to equations and enjoys questions such as X * 4 =24.

Ankit also has a friend Parth so does not love math as much. Ankit and Parth have been asked to sit down to study. Parth's dad gives both some problems to work on. Parth is asked "What is 16+8". And then Ankit is asked "what is x when x + 16 = 20".

Before Ankit can think of the answer there is a scream from Parth. “That’s not fair. You gave him the answer !!!”

Back Press

Occassionally, when Papa's back is hurting, Ankit is asked to press Papa's back. He usually very happy to do it, but sometimes, he is more excited about running away and playing.

One day, Papa's back is hurting, so he calls Ankit.

Papa: "Ankit?"
Ankit: "Yes Papa".
Papa: "Can you please press my back. It is hurting very much."
Ankit: "OK"

Ankit starts pressing, but seems bored very soon.
Ankit: "Papa.."
Papa (enjoying the massage): "Yes, Ankit"
Ankit: "You know.. I am pressing your back and the pain in your back is moving into my hands".

Good listening

Ankit, Papa and Mummy are going out in the car on a warm sunny day.

They stop at a cafe, where Papa has orders a mango-coconut smoothie along with drinks for everybody else. Then they get back in the car and drive on.

The first sip of the smoothie tells Papa that it is too sweet yet too lacking in flavor and hence not worth drinking. He decides to not drink it any more.

Mummy, watching Papa not touch his smoothie, asks Ankit if he would like a smoothie (Ankit had not got anything from the shop). Ankit says yes.

"Ankit, we will check if your tastebuds are working. Why dont you try this smoothie and tell us the flavors it has.", Mummy says as she hands over the smoothie to Ankit.
Ankit takes one sip and says, "Mango..... and... Coconut".

Papa is amazed: "Wow Ankit, that was really good".
Mummy: "He must have heard it in the shop. Right, Ankit?"
Ankit: "Yeah I heard it in the shop."
Papa: "Oh, I thought your tastebuds are really working".
Ankit: "My earbuds are working."

Dead people

Ankit: Mummy, why do people pray to dead people?
Mummy, not sure what he is talking about: Where did you see people praying to dead people.
Ankit: I saw Baba-Dadi (Grandpa-Grandma) praying to some dead people.
Mummy: No Ankit, they were praying to pictures of God.
Ankit: <Silence>
Ankit: I know why people pray to dead people.
Mummy, not sure where that came from: Why, Ankit?
Ankit: So they become alive.

Night time

Ankit was in India, away from Papa Mummy, for the summer vacation.

One night he was having trouble as Nani (Mummy's Mummy) tried to put him to sleep.

Nani explains to him: "Ankit, everybody is sleeping. Now you go to sleep too."
Ankit: Everybody??
Nani: Yes Ankit, it is night, the whole world is sleeping. You should go to sleep as well.
Ankit: No! The whole world is not sleeping. The whole world is not having a night. The world is round, and when we are having a night, Papa Mummy are having a day because they are in America and America is on the other side of the world. So, not everybody is sleeping.
Nani doesn't know what to say.

Dirty Car

Ankit is about to sit down in Mummy's car when he notices some bird dropping on the roof. The car is pretty dirty and needs a wash anyway.

Ankit: "There is bird poop on the car"
Mummy: "Yeah, we need to clean the car. It is very dirty."
Ankit: "Yeah. The birds see the dirty car. They think it is a pooping place and they poop on it".

Ankit's comment makes Mummy realize that the car really needs a wash. That evening they clean the whole car end to end before Papa comes home.

Ankit: "Now birds will think Papa's car is the pooping place."

Telling time

Ankit comes running to Papa with a digital watch in his hand.

Ankit: Papa, is this watch telling the right time?
Papa: You tell me Ankit. Go look at the time on the oven watch.
Ankit, walking to the oven: Hmm... it says 10:04. The watch says 9:50.
Papa: So? (hoping Ankit will say the watch is slow, or the watch is showing the wrong time).

Ankit: This watch is showing some other place's time.
Papa is surprised at Ankit's understanding of relationship between time and place.

Circle of life

Spring is here. Ankit sees new plants coming up in the backyard and asks Mummy about them.

Ankit: Mummy, where do seeds come from?
Mummy: Flowers
Ankit: And flowers come from plants.
Mummy: Right
Ankit: And plants come from seeds.
Mummy (wondering where this all is going) : Right..
Ankit: So where do seeds come from?
Mummy: Ankit, this is called circle of life. Seeds come from flowers, flowers come from plants and plants come from seeds. That forms a circle.
Ankit: Do human beings also have a circle of life?
Mummy: Yes they do..
Ankit: How?
Mummy: Where did you come from?
Ankit: Papa and Mummy.
Mummy: And where did Papa and Mummy come from?
Ankit: Their Papa and Mummy.
Mummy: Right, so you see there is another circle of life.
Ankit: No, that is not a circle.. that is just a line!

Road accident

Ankit was in India, going to the market in a car. At one of those intersections where no one cares about the traffic lights, the car was hit on the right by a scooter as the rider tried to avoid a rickshaw.

"Wow, we almost had an accident", Ankit said.
"Yes, Ankit. That is true", Mummy replied.
"Do you think this will come on the news?", Ankit asked.

Not really... if it did, the whole day would be just traffic report on Indian roads.

Working Late

Mummy usually works late, sometimes as late as 11 at night, as a result of the high demanding software job. As a result many evenings when Ankit comes home with Papa he wonders where Mummy is. The usual answer Papa gives him is "she is at office, baua".

One day, Papa picks Ankit up from school. He tells Ankit that the plan is to go buy some things and then go pick up Mummy from work and then go out. Two hours later, they are both sitting in the car in front of Mummy's office waiting for her to come out. It is dark outside and very few people can be seen.

Ankit: "Where are the worker people?"
Papa: "What do you mean worker people?"
Ankit: "The people who work in the front who allow you to come in and out"
Papa realizes Ankit is talking about the receptionist.
Papa: "Ankit, they all go home at 5 o'clock. It is 7o'clock now"
Ankit: "Why was Mummy punished?"
Papa: "Punished?"
Ankit: "Yeah, she has to work late when worker people are gone already"

Beautiful Country

Ankit is in India, and he loves watching TV there.

He is watching TV when a song from the movie Veer Zaara comes on: Kitna Sona Desh Hai Mera (How nice my country is).

He turns of his phua (aunt: Papa's sister) and asks her: What are they singing?
Aunt: They are saying how nice and pretty India is.
Ankit: India is nice, but not pretty... there is dust and garbage everywhere. America is pretty.

Born in the USA, he has already imbibed the American values of 'USA is the best'.

Guys and girls

Nani is playing this computer game called Sims, when Ankit walks into the room. Sims is a game that simulates characters and allows the player to build up a city, and is fairly realistic in its content.

As Ankit watches Nani play, the scene suddenly sees a male character going to the bathroom. As the male character is standing up and doing his business, Ankit says: Oh, that guy is going susu (hindi word for No.1).

Nani, hoping that the scene will quickly get over, continues the game. Suddenly a female character is shown going to the bathroom. Now, Ankit says: With girls you cannot tell if they are doing susu or poopie (No.2) because they have no weenie.

Nani shuts the game down. The birds and bees talk seems fast approaching.

Why need clothes

Ankit is in India, where he is staying at his Nani's place (Nani = Mummy's Mummy).

Nani has given Ankit a bath and is drying him up and telling him to put clothes on when done. Just then, one of the puppies in the house walks into the room.

Nani says: See, the puppy is here. He is looking at you. You should quickly go and put your clothes on.

Ankit: Yes, I should hurry. Otherwise the puppy will think my nunnu (hindi equivalent of 'weenie') is a worm and eat it up.

Who do you marry

Ankit goes to India to attend Chacha's (Papa's brother's) marriage. He is a little puzzled with the whole deal.

Ankit: Chacha, why are you and Chachi getting married.
Chacha: We were in school together, and we liked each other. So we decided to get married.

Ankit is thoughtfully silent.

Chacha: What happened?
Ankit: I don't think Kevin and I can ever get married. Otherwise there will be two daddies.

Kevin is Ankit's friend in his school.

Cough test

Ankit goes to the doctor for his five year checkup.

Since he is a boy, the doctor asks him to drop his pants and gives him the "cough" test. While the doctor is still holding on, Ankit says: "I know what you are doing!".

"What do you think I am doing", the doctor asks, partly shocked, partly surprised by the assertion.

"You are checking my kidneys", Ankit quickly responds. Of course.

Idli

Sunday morning, Ankit is on his way to Hindi school with Papa, practicing the Hindi letters of A and I.

"Do you know any words with I?", Papa asks him.

"Imli", Ankit says. (Imli is a kind of tropical spice/fruit)

"Good", Papa says.

"Can you please tell me one more with I? Then we will have two words", Ankit says.

"Idli", Papa says, after a lot of thinking. (Idli is a south Indian steamed rice cake dish).

"Idli.. yes", Ankit says, "... there are actually two words called Idlis".

"Two words?", Papa says, "I know only one meaning.. the thing Madhuri Aunty made the other day. What is the other word?".

"New Idli", Ankit says, "Where Baba (grandpa) and Dadi (grandma) live".

"That is New Delhi, Ankit... not New Idli", Papa corrected him when he stopped laughing.

Is that life

Ankit is on his way to school when Papa starts teasing him about something.

Ankit starts throwing tantrums and whining because he doesn't like being teased. Of course, this does not deter Papa and he keeps doing that.

After some time, Papa explains: "Ankit, you should not get teased when someone tries to tease you. You should just ignore them, or tease them back. If you whine about being teased, people will only do it more and more."

Ankit thinks about it for a second then asks: "Is that how life is?".

Hmm..

Google

Ankit tells Papa: Papa, you know.. if you want to know something, you can go to Google.... it has everything in the world.

One one hand Papa is amazed at Ankit's knowledge of Google.. on the other hand he is disappointed that to Ankit Papa is no longer the source of all the knowledge in the world.

Spiderman

Ankit loves superheros and has recently seen Spiderman.

One day he tells Chacha: "Chacha, you know, Spiderman in that movie, when he saved one guy, he told him 'I saved your butt' ".

Chacha, realizing this was probably not appropriate language for a five year old, corrects him: "Ankit, that is not the right way to say it."

Ankit, laughing, says: "Yeah, that is so silly. He saved his entire body. Why would he say he only saved his butt."

Going to Hawaii

Mummy told Ankit that they are going to go to Hawaii for vacation during holidays.

"If we are going to Hawaii, why don't we get a boat and just go one mile to Alaska as well", he said.
Mummy was confused for a moment before she realized the way US maps depict Hawaii and Alaska close to each other, at the bottom left of the 48 contiguous states.

"Baby, Hawaii is not near Alaska. Alaska is near Canada. You see it in the map near Hawaii because the maps are not long enough to show whole of Canada and Alaska on top. So they just put Alaska down near Hawaii by itself."

"Ok, then we can take the boat to go to Mexico instead", he replied.

Mummy thought Poor boy. After all Hawaii is drawn right near Mexico.

Spain in Europe

Papa needs to go to Spain for work. So he has gone to get his visa.

As he is talking to Mummy on the phone about his visa application, Ankit overhears that Papa is going to Spain.

"I wanna go to Spain", Ankit says.
"Please. Please. Please.", Ankit continues as Mummy is on the phone.
"Please Mummy. I wanna go to Spain. I know where it is. I would love to go to Spain. I know it is in Europe. Can I please go? I have never been to Europe.", Ankit continues clawing at Mummy as she talks on the phone.

"Ankit. You have been to Europe.. remember England in summer?", Mummy tells him.
"Oh.", the tantrums come to a halt as he recalls that England is also in Europe.

Diet Pepsi

Ankit was not allowed to have Pepsi or Diet Pepsi due to the caffiene and aspartame contents. Whenever he wanted to have a soda, he got to drink Sprite.

One day Ankit and Mummy were sitting in the Rainforest Cafe having lunch. Ankit was drinking his Sprite and Mummy was drinking her Diet Pepsi. Ankit asked Mummy what Diet Pepsi tasted like. Mummy asked if Ankit wanted to try some. Ankit said, "yes, just little bit". Mummy gave Ankit a sip of her Diet Pepsi to let him see what it tastes like.

Ankit took the sip and then sat back quietly in his seat. Mummy saw he didn't say antyhing. He was looking really scared. Mummy asked him what happened. He said, "I don't want to die". Mummy asked him why he thought he would die. "Because I drank die pepsi", he said.

Dinosaurs

Ankit had just now learnt about the variety of dinosaurs. One evening he wanted to watch the Jurassic Park movie, so Mummy put the movie on and decided to sit down and watch it with him.

When the dinosaurs came on screen, Ankit pointed at one and asked Mummy if she knew what kind of dinosaur that was.
Mummy: No baby. I am not sure.
Ankit: Let me tell you. It is a hokiesauras.
Mummy looks at him suspiciously, not sure if there is such a dinosaur for real.
Very soon, Ankit points to another dinosaur and goes: And that is a pokiesauras.
And then, pointing at third: That is a dokiesauras.
And so on went the movie.

After Ankit was asleep, Mummy was found googling for dinosaur names.

Political stuff

Ankit, on his way back from his second day in kindergarten, is sitting at the back of the car, in a deep thought.

Mummy asks: What happened Ankit? How was the school today?
Ankit (bursting into energy): George Bush is the worsest president.
Mummy is shocked.
Ankit (continuing): John Kerry is good. I like John Kerry. I love John Kerry. We should choose for John Kerry.

Mummy, amazed, calls Papa. Papa can still hear Ankit going on in the background, all excited.

This election is REALLY dividing up the people.

Capitalism at work

Ankit found out that once you are hundred years old you die. And he really worried about it all the time.

Papa and Mummy tried explaining to him that hundred is far far away, but he would worry that it would only be one birthday away when he turned ninety nine.

So one such day, when Ankit was asking Mummy why does he have to die when he turns hundred, she told him he has to grow up and live a long life before he will turn hundred.

Mummy asked, "What do you want to do when you grow up"
Ankit said, "I want to grow up to be an astronaut or a scientist or a magician or a superhero"
Mummy, finding a nice opportunity to close the "death" discussion, said: "Why dont you become a scientist. Then you can find a way to stop people from dying when they turn hundred".
Ankit said: "Yes, I should do that. People will be so happy because they will not have to die any more"
After a pause, he added: "And I will be so so rich".

Fractions

It was Wednesday evening and Ankit asked Mummy how many days is it to Friday (because he is supposed to go to a field trip on Friday).

Mummy: "One and a half days"
Ankit: "That means two days"
Mummy: "How?"
Ankit: "If you take One and cut it into half you get two".
Mummy: "That is not what I meant, I meant One and a half"
Ankit: "No. You take One apple, and you cut into half, so now you have two"
Papa: "Ok Ankit. When you want two cookies, we will take one cookie and break it into half. So you will have two cookies".
Ankit (pouting) : "NO! You dont break a cookie"

Happiness Sadness

Ankit was getting into the habit of sulking and pouting if anything did not go his way. When asked, he would say he was feeling sad.

So, one day Papa asked him to do a counting exercise. He asked Ankit to count all the happy things that were there and all the sad things that were there. If the number of happy things was more than the number of sad things, then Ankit would have to smile and feel happy instead of pout and feel sad. This worked great since everytime Ankit would have more things to be happy about than be sad about.

One day, Papa Mummy bought him a Gameboy. Like most toys bought for him, he was really excited in the beginning. But very soon the Gameboy was in one corner, the games in another corner, and the manual elsewhere.

After a few days, the Gameboy could not be found anymore. Mummy looked and looked one evening and could not find it. She decided to get strict with Ankit. He was playing in the bathtub oblivious to his Mummy's anger. She walked up to him and said:

M: "Ankit"
A (without looking up): "Haan, Mummy"
M: "You know your Gameboy"
A (still busy with his rubber duckies): "Yeah"
M: "It is lost"
A (still busy): "I know"
M: "I cannot find it"
A (popping bath bubbles): "I cannot either"
Mummy gets mad at the indifference.
M: "Does it not make you sad that you lost your Gameboy within a week of having it"
A (still playing): "Yeah, I felt sad. Then I counted the happy things and the sad things, and there were more happy things, so I felt happy again"

What can you say?

Chachi

So, Ankit watches this song "Bardasht" from the movie "Humraaz" many times. The actress, Amisha Patel, is Chacha's (Chacha = Dad's brother) favorite.

Ankit asks Chacha: Who is that girl?
Chacha says: Its your Chachi (Chachi = Chacha's wife)
Ankit: Ok..

After this, everytime Ankit sees Amisha Patel dancing in that song, Chacha reminds him that it is Ankit's Chachi on the screen.

Finally, after many such "See, there is your Chachi dancing again" dialogues, Ankit asks Chacha: "If she is my Chachi then how come you are not dancing with her and that other guy is".

Chacha is looking for a new Chachi.

Chocolate Milk

One day, on the drive home, he asks Mummy if she has brought Chocolate Dudhu for him, like every other day. She said yes, but she cannot give it to him because she does not have a clean sipper bottle in the car. She asks him to wait till they reach home so she may give him the milk in a bottle. He says, "Its ok. I can drink it from the garbage". (The milk carton is garbage to him since it is always thrown in the garbage).

Superhero

A superhero saves the entire world... helps the police, jumps over buildings, catches all the bad guys. A hero only saves people from drowning. So he wants to be a superhero, not just a hero.

And because he will be a superhero, he will need to stitch up some superhero clothes.

Ankit came to Mummy with a toothpick. He had broken it into half, and those two pieces into further half. But he could not break it any further. He asked Mummy why he could not break it. She told him he will be able to break it when he becomes stronger. He asked how he will get stronger. She said, no, when you exercise and become stronger you will be able to break it. He asked if it would make him a superhero.

Soon, he was found trying to run on our elliptical exerciser. When he got off, luckily he managed to break the toothpick even further.

What color is toothpick-breakup-man's cape?

Timeout

He gets timeout by being made to sit on the stairs without talking or moving privileges.

So, one day, he spots a dead fly on the stairs.
He asks "what is that".
"That is a fly, baua"
"Is the fly having a timeout"

Err... not exactly.

Bumblebee diet

He was left home with his Dada-Dadi.

We returned from work to find out he had been stung by a bee while in the garden. When asked what happened, he replied "A bumblebee was trying to eat me".

TV

"Do you think there is someone watching us on TV, like how we watch others".

He is worried about The Ankit Show.

Sharing

One day, Mummy was driving Ankit to school as it rained hard.

Ankit told her it is raining hard on his window too. He asked why she is not sharing her wipers with him. He shares everything with mommy.